Left Behind


What It Is

The latest film version of the Tim LaHaye/Jerry Jenkins rapture novel, the first in a very long series. Basically, all the “real” Christians (and young kids) disappear and everyone else has to face the rise of the Antichrist. In this case, that includes an airline pilot played by Nicolas freaking Cage!




Why I Saw It

I grew up in a church that believed in this stuff, so I’ve had a lifelong morbid fascination with this – and all – apocalyptic scenarios. Plus, the earlier adaptation (starring Kirk Cameron) was hilariously awful, so I knew I was guaranteed a good time.

What I Learned

  • If you’re trying to convert people to Christianity, you shouldn’t make two atheists and a Muslim your only likable characters.
Nice person
Nice person
Nice person
Really annoying person

Guess who gets to go to Heaven?

  • Rayford Steele and Buck Williams would make great porn star names.
Hunk McBonerson was already taken
  • It’s totally practical to be a flight attendant in 6 inch spike heels.
  • Heaven has a No Pets policy.
“Well, son of a bitch”







When millions of people suddenly disappear, the only possible response is massive looting.

“I just grabbed this sweet Xbox for my kid…..oh, wait.”
  • If you call your kid Raymie Steele, you should probably be grateful he’s getting raptured.
  • Baton Rouge and New York City are basically the same place.
  • No one involved in this movie has left the house since 1985.
“The kids still hang out at these, right? And do the break dancing?”









  • A subdued Nicolas Cage is a boring Nicolas Cage.
“Can I just get my check, please?”


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